Recently, I've noticed that I always feel like I "need to be doing something." I am constantly on the lookout for activities or tasks that will make me feel like I am being a better more productive person. While this has given me an amazing Let's-Get-This-Shit-Done work ethic, it also holds me back when I really need to be passive. Reflective. More restorative. It's an uncomfortable shift to go from doing to being. After dinner tonight I was feeling particularly raw. I'd started prepping for dinner hours ago, chopping the vegetables, making the marinade, even preparing making rosemary biscuits. It was complicated! And for no other reason than it was something I wanted to DO. So now that dinner is over, and a Saturday night is on front of me, I feel tender and bothered that I don't have something planned for us to do. And I don't know what's more uncomfortable, the lack of things to do or the awareness that it bothers me so much.
Tonight, I'm grateful for the hard stuff: raw emotions, empty schedules, dirty dishes, and writing it all out.